Dear Rose,
I have recently come out and find the scene to be bitchy and nasty, how do I get past that and find some nice people to hang with?
Charlie

Dear Charlie,
If it makes you feel any better, many people coming  out find that the scene at times can be bitchy and a  bit narcissistic. When I first came out I was so excited that all I wanted to do was to go to every gay club and gay gathering I could find and surround myself with all the gay love out there. What I found was exactly what you have discovered. Over time I did eventually find some fantastic people out there who were just like me — out to get to know other people and in the process learn more about myself.  I also started my own groups and events, which gave me the opportunity to create a space for others who, just like you, are looking to have some fun and to socialise with other gay folks. My best Dear Rose advice to you is, just keep getting out there, eventually with persistence you will come across gay folks, who just like you, want to make new friends and have some fun!

Love Rose

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Dear Rose,
My parents refuse to let me visit them with my partner. They will not budge and we seem to be at an in-pass in regards to this and it’s very upsetting. Do you have any suggestions?
Tina

Dear Tina,
All is not bad Tina. Whilst it would be nice to visit your parents in their home, try to be patient and wait for that elusive invitation! Getting that invitation is what you and your partner have the ability to work on. Invite them to your place for lunch; invite them out to dinner; invite them to a play. The point is to invite them to something that is in neutral territory. Allow them the opportunity to meet, get to know and like your partner as a person. Once they get to know your partner I’m sure a gracious invitation will be forthcoming!

However if the fairytale ending doesn’t come to pass after all of your efforts, as much as it breaks my heart to say, you may find that it is better to respect how they feel about not wanting to associate with your partner and move on with both your lives. Sometimes we spend so much time wanting to be accepted by our families we forget that there are some extraordinary people around us that form another kind of family that gives
us both the love and acceptance that we deserve.

Love Rose

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Dear Rose,
I have fallen in love with my flat mate, but she’s not into girls. This is not just a crush. Everyday it gets harder for me to live with her when I’m not honest about my feelings. But I’m worried that if I tell her how I feel she will freak out and it will ruin our friendship. How do I deal with this unrequited love?
Em

Dear Em,
I am feeling ya! Every Lesbian I know has fallen in love at least once in their life time with a beautiful, straight girl, flat-mate. It’s almost a right of passage for lesbians, like moving in on the second date. Don’t beat yourself up too much though, unrequited love is probably the hardest emotion to deal with. It is frequently the person who is in love and not able to express their feelings that generally ends up getting hurt.  

Whilst I am the first in line to say it’s best to be honest about your feelings, it seems to me by disclosing your feelings to your flat-mate you run the risk of losing a friendship that you obviously value. However, you also need to care and protect yourself as much as you can and this ultimately may lead to you making some choices about whether you need to put some distance between you and your unrequited love. I am not suggesting that you run and check out available Real Estate but start moving towards finding new interests or new groups of people to occupy some of your time. Maybe try a stint of house-sitting. Time away from the situation will give you some much needed head-space but my best Dear Rose advice is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to heal.

Love Rose

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Dear Rose,
My X boyfriend blocked me from his Facebook page and stopped following me on twitter — how could he be so heartless.
Min.

Dear Min,

What can I say, ex-boyfriends are unpredictable beasts. Whilst we would like to think that exes can be civilsed and continue some form of friendliness, the fact is that he has a choice whether he wants to retain you as a facebook friend and there is not a lot you can do about it. My best Dear Rose advice is: A. You could start your own Facebook page titled “Top Ten Reasons why my ex has deleted me from his Facebook page” or B. Pluck up the courage and simply ask why he removed you from his page! It sounds to me as though something may have happened or something may have been said to incur the wrath of the ex boyfriend. Clearing the matter up as soon as possible could mean a new friend in your inbox.

Love Rose

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Dear Rose,
I’m a happy lesbian and I am secure in myself and in my sexuality. I’ve wanted to explore alternative sexual practices like BDSM and power Play. My partner is ok with this but I’m finding that our lesbian friends are not, saying, that to play with power is to enact the very patriarchal society that we abhor. What do you think?
Mistress of Pleasure

Dear Mistress of Pleasure,
If you’re both consenting adults, then what other people think about your bedroom activities is really none of their business.

As far as “power” and the “patriarchal society” debate, I feel it’s not so much about the physical act of BDSM, because the act should be enjoyable for both parties. The issue I have, is about how individuals can sometimes take advantage of their “power” role — deliberately using it to manipulate others, inflicting cruelty rather than pleasure. Because of this element, BDSM has many myths and false impressions related to it. Good sexy “power play” is about giving each other pleasure and exploring new territories together.

Love Rose

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