Have you been Stimulated? PDF  | Print |  E-mail
Written by Alexander Thatcher Fuse Magaizne Editor   
Wednesday, 24 June 2009 06:01
gay shoppingI was among the first to be stimulated by Mr Rudd to the tune of $900 — and I didn’t even have to have a baby to get it! My biggest decision now is do I want a new Denon stereo, a wardrobe update or a week drinking cocktails on the Sunshine Coast. And can I have all three?

Opinions have been running strong about Mr Rudd’s stimulus rollouts. Some economists and politicians hailing the ‘spend your way out of recession’ as a brilliant solution while others say it will doom us to financial ruin. In March this year, former National Party officer, Bryan Pape, even tried taking the Federal Government to the High Court, saying that the tax payouts were unconstitutional and violated State’s rights. The High Court subsequently ruled against the challenge.

Whether you agree or disagree (I’m in two minds personally), I’ve not heard of anybody sending their cheque back yet. I wonder if Bryan Pape did. Bryan?

It seems to me that if the Rudd Labor Government truly believes that giving around 8.7 million tax payers a share of their 42 billion dollar package can solve our financial and employment woes, then I suggest — just like the Howard Government before them — they employ some good old fashion discrimination. Why, you may gasp? The answer’s simple.

Us ‘gays’ — and I use that as a general term — know how to live well and spend big. Oh yeah! Hundreds of studies and polls done over many years, including recently, tell us that as a community, not only is our disposable income much higher than our heterosexual counter parts — up to 60 per cent in fact — but we also know how to spend it.

In my Self Obsession article in FUSE#01, I mentioned that current surveys show that gay men and lesbians are more focused on luxuries, leisure, eating out, homewares, entertainment and travel than other demographics. And the gay boys in particular spend a massive 600 per cent more on clothes than everybody else (well, apart from Amy Winehouse of course, who was recently forced to spend $40,000 on clothes after finally eating a decent meal... but I digress).

As a community, we are always doing a great deal of economic boosting — and I have not even mentioned hugely successful events like Mardi Gras that pour massive amounts into the economy annually.

Yes, finally discrimination is the answer. Finally it has a use. Like Howard’s baby bonus which only new mums and dads got (suffice to say, I was not among the recipients), the personal stimulus tax bonuses should only go to “gays”. Because if somebody can spend Australia out of recession, it’s us!

I recently decided to road test my theory with my straight and gay friends by asking them what they would do with their stimulus cheques. This is what I got:

Hetero’s — ‘We’re putting it towards our mortgage,’ ‘Buying a banjo for $200 and then putting the rest in my maternity leave fund’ and ‘We’ve decided to put it into our savings.’

Queers — ‘A nice Paul Smith suit at David Jones and maybe treat myself to a mani/pedi,’ ‘We’re using it for a weekend away together’ and ‘Oh I bought a flashy new laptop with mine’.

So there you go, it’s not concrete and I do have an agenda here, but hey, it makes sense to me. If you want to spend your way out of a recession then give the money to people that will spend it. Savings... oh please, spare me!

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