So you stuck in a rut, is your sex life boring and predictable? Well the this is the article for you. It's time to revitalise your gay sex life.
Hello, as a qualified sex therapist, I have a few ideas that might help spice things up for those people who do want to enjoy sex more but have found themselves to be in a bit of a rut. Being in lockdown gives couples the perfect opportunity to work on their connection, relationship and sex life. Sometimes, even if we know all this stuff, we can get lazy and forget for a while.
It often helps to ‘come across’ a little reminder like this article, or even to have a list in front on you. You can get inspiration for more ideas from the internet, in books, magazines and newspapers, your friends and family, workmates, people in supermarket queues…
Often it is because we stop communicating with our partner(s) that our sex life dies or becomes very very dull!
Discussing our sexual needs, wants and desires with our partner can get some creative and perhaps other juices flowing! It's important to note that what you or your partner like a few years ago may be totally different today. We all change and enjoy different things, so some things might not appeal ever and others might not appeal today but will tomorrow. That's why it's so important to keep those communication lines open. It can be difficult talking about sex - even with our partners - but doing so reaps many rewards.
Discussing our sexual needs, wants and desires with our partner can get some creative and perhaps other juices flowing!
I think it is important to also note that not all sex needs to be spiced up. If you are both (all) happy that sex is not happening right now, or that you occasionally have lazy — quick and efficient sex because it just ‘works’, then that is fine too. There is enough pressure out there to believe that you should be having much better and more frequent sex than your mates with fireworks every time; so, take it or leave it or add to it — but don’t be overwhelmed by a list of sexy ideas.
There are many valid and varied reasons why people have sex and a quickie is just as useful as is an entire spiritual experience. We tend to forget that it is about the pleasure. It is OK to have lots of touching, giving and receiving without having the big O or even any sort of penetration.
Go on weekly date nights and build sexual tension.
Relationship issues really do need to be sorted somewhat to be able to share intimacy — it is pretty hard to maintain loving feelings for someone who is lazy around the house and expecting others to clean up after them, or for people who don’t maintain minimal standards of hygiene (unless agreed upon), or someone who has been critical and nagging for long periods of time.
The beginning of a list...
- Connecting is important — sexual conversation can begin long before any touching, you could invent a new special language that is just about sex
- Allow yourself to be lost in the moment
- Use blindfolds to heighten the whole range of senses
- Play sexy music that becomes a mind trigger and helps with rhythm
- Exercise or meditate together first, maybe try tantra
- Buy new toys together, there are some great online shops out there.
- Role play — costumes, accessories, scenarios, different voices or fantasy characters
- Be playful and silly, tickle and laugh
- Dare to vary the menu
- Make lots of noise — or stay completely silent
- Make your own porn/look in a mirror
- Be unpredictable
- Change the location or swap your usual roles
- Don’t be afraid to explore your sexual fantasies
- Don’t forget to communicate with your partner and add your own ideas!
